The year 2019 is going to be a year of

Growth

 

My family is growing as we are expecting a child in May. My career is changing course completely and I am pursuing a path I passionate about. I will be taking on a few courses in the year to fortify my resume. My home is less cluttered and quite minimal. My personal health is on a uphill, and the momentum will continue in the new year, as I educate myself and adopt healthier, more natural and environmentally friendlier habits.  Last year was a year of change – I’ve let go of a lot and I’ve undertaken a lot. Last year was rocky, unstable, and transitionary. I feel that some of the efforts I have put forth in 2018 will bring fruit in 2019.

Because I am bringing a child to the world, I feel that I have to be active in shaping it, or I should at least try. There is so much going on in the world and I don’t want to leave it to my children in a state where I can’t say I helped or did something about it. So I have decided to embark on a journey of advocacy and activism.

There are a few topics I am passionate about. Obviously feminism has always been closer to heart. The environment is a big one as my generation is witnessing the change, and future generations will suffer the consequence. Mental health – I have always believed that it was an important conversation (Since my teenage hood) that needs to be had more frequently, more openly and more deeply. These are issues I would like to do something about – even if small but I cannot say look the other way and say “Not my problem”, or “this won’t happen to me”. Because, perhaps it is true, it might not happen to me, but it might happen to my children, and I can not stand by without even trying.

 

I would like to explore some of these thoughts later, but for now, this is my prologue.

I have this nagging feeling that my life is crowded and needs decluttering. Like, I have too much shit, physically and emotionally, and I need to make room. I need to sort, throw away, and clean – without this process of purging I feel I am unable to breath.

You spend your days counting the hours you’re awake
And when night covers the sky you find yourself doing the same
It’s a burden you’ve been burying in spite of all your prayers
As the light turns off inside your heart do you remember
What it’s like to care
Knees are weak, hands are shaking, I can’t breathe
Give me the drug, keep me alive, give me whats left of my life
Don’t let me go
Pull this plug, let me breath
On my own I’m finally free
Don’t let me go
~ Rise Against
Human connections are my occasional anchor to reality.
I really like my own time where I am exploring my inner world and running wild in terms of learning, questioning and exploring.  But sometimes, I get really lost in my head with all my ideas, suppositions and theories about the world, that I drift down in a vortex of abstraction so far away from the present moment that I lose track of what is actually going on. A way that worked for me so far in curbing that is that I reach out and interact with another person in order to validate and double check realities. “This is what is going. This is what I am doing with my life and where I am at. What about you? How’s life? How’s reality? Do we still live this way? Perfect, thank you very much.” The conversation is usually along those lines.
Thus is the life of an introverted thinker.

I want to bring out the worst in you.
I want to make friends with your demons.

I want to stretch you.
I want to possess you.

I want to drive you crazy,
then kiss you.