I am a treasure to those who are worthy.
I got married recently. I wanted to get married. I want a family of my own.
This time a year ago, I decided I was done with arbitrary encounters and hoping they would result in a happy union. I relinquished the idea that love is a phenomenon that comes your way so magically or that you happen upon like some kind of unicorn. I believed deep down that I deserve love, I deserve happiness and I deserve a genuine connection with another human that will enrich, empower and enlighten my life. I am worthy. So I decided to adopt a more purposeful search. First, I decided what it is I wanted out of a partner, what it is I wanted out of marriage and out of a life together. Yes, I actually made a list. I also figured out what I can be for that person, what I am capable of giving, and what I am not. That was important. I wanted no room for delusion, or unrealistic expectations. I believe that true love begins with honesty and clarity of purpose. I was also certain that my future husband would be on the same quest as I am with the same perspective. Otherwise, he would not end up as my husband.
Anyways, I told the world what I wanted and I opened the doors. I spoke to eligible candidates and had conversations where I probed for their values, views on the world, their expectations and ideology towards love, relationships, family, marriage, what they did for a career, where they saw their lives in 5 years. I kept my heart open too. No guards, no games. My future husband, if he were to find me as well, he needed to see me. I had to bring my walls down, wear my heart on my sleeve and show my cards. He needs to see that I am what he is looking for, on the inside as much as on the outside. Those I felt aligned with what I was looking for, I met on dates for further evaluation
I was ruthless with my process of elimination. I was eliminated too for some and that was okay for me. It wasn’t about validation or acceptance. It was about finding the right fit, it was about finding a partner that would stand by me, and I would stand by him for the rest of our lives, and having a strong enough connection and love that would keep us afloat against life’s raging waves. I took this search very seriously. I was adamant on making that commitment work, with all the sacrifices that would come with it, and I wasn’t about to give it to just anyone. I had no remorse about letting people down, and I felt no guilt or obligation to sooth their wounds after. I am looking for my husband. A lot people don’t realize the weight this word carries. Love. Marriage. Parenthood.
I met my husband on the fourth date. We had started talking before we met and we were aligned on many things. Enough for me to be interested, but when I met him face to face and spent time with him physically, the connection was instant. I liked what I saw. Actually, on our first encounter, I was so struck and coy that when he passed through the door looking vastly at the café trying to locate me, I turned my gaze the other way and pretended I didn’t see him.
I still remember the first thing he said when he sat down slowly was: ”You are even more gorgeous in person.” and sat still for a second. A second that felt long enough for my cheeks to burn up.
Following that date with him, I quit the search process, and decided to explore this further. A cerebral connection took place, followed by an emotional one and we got closer with time. We were both aligned on what we were looking for. Not boyfriend, not girlfriend. We both wanted a lifetime commitment and a family of our own, but we weren’t going to compromise either just to have that. All of it meant nothing to us if it wasn’t with the right person.
Despite all of this openness, it wasn’t easy. My fears caught up with me, and I hesitated. I am someone who is very guarded and with this sudden state of vulnerability I was bound for an episode of panic. God knows I tested him, and what is worse is that I could have sabotaged my own happiness. Luckily, he navigated through it patiently, and I pushed myself. I thought that even it didn’t amount to anything, the effort would have been for personal growth at least. We had lots of intense conversations about where we wanted to go and what we wanted to do with our lives. Neither of us kept the other in dark ”just to make it work”, and interestingly enough neither of us wanted to back out, even though there was nothing binding us together and preventing us from doing so.
The truth to be said I saw my future with this man and no other. There was something about the way we existed together that resoundingly told me that we are meant to be together. There were enough synchronicities to tell us both that our paths were meant to cross and then merge into one.
I want to keep the magical and sweet details to myself, so long story short, we exchanged our vows, and now we are husband and wife.
Something my mentor told me before my wedding that I keep in mind: ”Marriage is not a promise to keep each other happy for ever. It is a promise to love one another forever.”
Not every day is easy, but if I were to work hard on keeping this promise, it would not be with anyone else but this man.
I am blessed.